Walls......

I just saw this icon that really got me to thinking......this is what it said.......

"Sometimes people put up walls not to keep others out but to see who cares enough to tear them down."

Wow. Don't know why those words hit me so hard??....Maybe it's becaue I do it in my own life. Though it can be a bad thing, as I sit here and think about it, that simple sentence really defines something for me. And it has made me come to a startling conclusion. I have been waiting for someone to tear down my walls, lol.

Someone who cares enough to take the time. Someone who would defend me to his last breath.

And really, we don't have to be talking about relationship kind of love, we could talk about friendship, family. Who is it in my life that has cared enough to break out the jack hammer and start deconstructing the concrete? Hmmm.....

This might be the beginning of a great idea........lol

This was a poem I wrote with my baby sister. When I asked her what she thought I should write, she calmly looked me in the face and said..."You should write about Leah, a blue horse with wings." So, she and I sat down and came up with this together. It was lots of fun having her input and whenever I need some imagination, I go to her.

"Leah Blue"

written by Summer Hake and Missy Sue Hanson

In a valley, not so far and not too near,
I met a horse from whom I had nothing to fear.

Her name was Leah and she was blue,
and I'm almost certain that of her kind there are seldom few.

Her coat was a blue so bright
it sparkled and shimmered in the morning light.

I thought for sure I was seeing things when at that very moment,
sparkly blue Leah went and sprouted wings.

White wings that glimmered like glitter
and as I took a step back I observed that they really did fit her.

For magical and mystical she seemed to be
when she turned that beautiful blue head and looked at me.

The air seemed to sizzle and actually quite tickled.
Despite myself, I let out a giggle.

Things changed fast as I saw a shadow glowing over Leah's long nose
for that shadow had a unicorn horn to show.

And for all the magic I had just witnessed
I stood on my tip-toes and gave her a big kiss.

I stroked her glistening blue mane
and together in that valley,
we played where lilies had lain.

I know what you want to ask....... how do I know a blue horse with a unicorn horn and eagle wings?
Well, she exists in only my dreams.

So, I make sure to brush my teeth,
kiss my mommy and daddy and fall asleep fast
to make sure my Leah doesn't skip past.

Because, you see
it is only in my dreams
that I can make that special trip to
a valley not so far and not too near
where there waits my Leah Blue,
the horse that takes me on journeys I can't make
when I'm awake.

Awaken to the Magic

*~Make Room for Mystery, Awaken to the Magic~*

"........Magic flows through us, mystery infuses every encounter of every day. We conjure up the shoe that cannot be found, transform leftovers into a feast, coax bounty from barren earth, banish fear, heal hurts, make money stretch til the end of the month. We carry, cradle, nurture and sustain life. We do all this and much more. But most women are not aware of their tremendous power for good. We are asleep to our Divinity. We're not consciously awakened to the realization that we are descendants of an ancient, sacred lineage; the She.

Isn't magic what you're performing when you create an authentic lifestyle for yourself and those you love? Aren't you shaping unseen forces with your creativity and soul-crafts, bringing into the physical world through passion what has only existed in the spiritual realm? If you can do this unconciously, how much more could you accomplish if you were fully aware of your powers?"

**Excerpt taken from Simple Abundance, A Daybook of Comfort and Joy

Coping Craftiness

How many times in the past year have you felt unable to cope?....Unable to deal with the mundane details of everyday life? If you're anything like me, it's been plenty. Sometimes I feel so harried and distressed by thinking of all those seemingly useless details that I just want to close the door to my bedroom, put my face in the pillow and scream until my lungs burn, lol.

Could I ever look at it in a different way? Well, sure I could, but how realistic is that? While I'm writing out bills or coaxing my son to sleep it's super hard to remember that what I'm doing is essential to my life. And yet, just as essential to my life are the mundane details, so is the realization that what I'm doing is "rising to the occasion". If I look at it in that way, I have a better understanding and I am a little more willing to proceed with my tasks with a smile rather than a scowl.

Realizing you are superb in "rising to the occasion" is much like finding a gem, you want to savor it, keep it in a safe and easily accessible place so that you can always be reminded you have it. Longfellow believed that situations that call forth our coping abilities are "celestial benedictions" in evil disguises, sent not to deflate our souls, but to fulfill them.

"Most women are geniuses at rising to the occasion. But we've never realized how extraordinary this talent really is, because it's second nature by now. We've never given credit where credit is due, because we've never given coping much thought. But if women who cope wellran everything, Nirvana wouldn't only be the name of a grunge band.

We become more adept at rising to the occasion each time we see ourselves doing it. Every time we cope well with whatever life throws our way, it's another deposit of confidence, creativity, and courage in our self esteem account. So congratulate yourself each night for handling the unexpected with finesse. Well done.

Today, when you need to rise to the occasion, do it with style. Do it with a knowing smile. Confound them. Astound yourself. Make it look easy, and it will become so."

**Excerpt taken from Simple Abundance, A Daybook of Comfort and Joy, by Sarah Ban Breathnach**

Acknowledge the goddess within that rises up and accomplishes everything that she does. Every time you load and unload the washer and dryer, have confidence that it takes an exceptional woman to do everything you do and still take the time to make sure her family has clean clothes. Every time you tuck your children in at night, be comforted in the fact that even though you're hanging on by your fingernails, you're there, ensuring their security and letting them know how very much they are treasured.

Pat yourself on the back, reward the lovely lady you are. Only then can you truly be there for everyone else, only then can you truly put into the world what you are meant to. With a satisfied soul, the happiness spreads, becomes contagious. Honor yourself, your heart, spirit and everything you are, every day. Trust that you create Everyday Magic just by being who you are and "rising to the occasion".

*Previously published in Primitive Times Magazine

Terrified of The Zoo

Zoos depress me. The cages, the small enclosures, all of it. I realize that if it weren't for the zoos these creatures probably wouldn't have anywhere to go or not be here at all, but still. Seeing a tiger pace back and forth gets to me. Broken spirits is what it is.

On the good side of things, I went to Lone Elk Park this weekend with my family. Lone Elk is over 500 acres of free roaming land for elk, bison and other animals. The best thing, is just before you get to the park opening, there is a spread of buildings, surrounded by waterfalls, picnic areas that don't encroach on the nature around them and BIRDS, birds of prey, specifically. My favorite are the owls. This place is the THE WORLD BIRD SANCTUARY.

It was a great day. Filled with wonderful sightings and the inevitable tick findings on our persons, lol. To me, this signaled Spring, the birth of great things, the beginning of a cycle that never ends. The thing I like about this place is that they only put the birds in cages when they have to and none of them look unhappy. They all look content as can be. Not trying to fly off, running into the mesh of the cages. The pic above is of an eagle, a shame he was in a cage, but he was the only one, the others were on super-long tethers in fenced in areas. They were able to lift off and fly, it was beautiful.

Some pics...

Hell-Hounds

These are the hell hounds I share my daily life with. Kane is the big white one, the medium sized fluffy thing sleeping on the legos table is Gus and the itty bitty one is Trixie - a.k.a Trix the Mix. Kane saved me once, but I'll save that story for later, gotta get back to my Innocent Evil MS.

What I'm listening to today.....

Evanesence is all I'm listening to today. I'm getting a new book ready for subs and this song especially fits the mood. Not to mention the I just love this group, lol...go ahead, jam a little!!

Some Family Pics

My Love

Before I start this post I do want to say that it is personal. But, I'm a writer and if I don't get personal every once in a while, I lose touch, lol. I'm not going to pay attention to my writing skills right now either, nor the spelling. I'm just here to let it spill out, I'll come back later and edit, rofl. And for some reason I can't sleep, been tossing and turning, thinking of my love. Yes, that's him up there with my son. Isn't he the hunkiest, most rugged mountain man you've ever seen??...hehehehe...he's going to kill me if he ever reads this!

Well, our story is a great one, but has dealt us a few hardships along the way. We met in a bar, yes, I know.....not the best place to meet guys, lol. That night I hadn't gone out to meet guys, though, because you see, it was maybe my third time going out after my son was born. Keep in mind, by this time my son was already one. I had a newborn baby, a $645 mortgage, a car payment and being a waitress really didn't put me in the mood to be on my feet for not just the whole day, but night too. I didn't feel like dancing, which was one of my fav things to do. Somehow, my best friend in all the world, pulled me out that night.

I have to explain something first. I'm a country girl, through and through. I grew up on the rocky banks of the Meramec and the muddy ones of the Mississipi (sp?). I have been around horses and every critter imaginable since I can remember. I like my men rough, preferably with a cowboy hat, lol. This particular establishment was littered with rude twenty year old boys who thought it was funny to grab my ass. Seriously, this generation of men need a swift kick in the arse. Anyhoo, I'm not having a good time at all, fuming a bit, when I turn and see a cowboy hat floating above the crowd, about a head taller than everyone else.

Did I mention that I was blind-stinkin drunk? Oh, yes, well, I must have forgot.....I went up to him, tapped him on what I thought was his shoulder, but ended up being his side. I struck up a conversation. For the first time in my life I was bold, but not too forthright, secretive but very clear. I felt very powerful talking to this man. We exchanged numbers and began to talk for five hours at a time on the phone. He took me to dinner for our first date, was the first time I was ever really "picked up" in my entire life, it was all very surreal. He didn't kiss me that night.

This was the clencher. This was how I knew I'd never get over him. When he called to ask me out for a second time he asked, "Where would you guys like to go?". I said "you guys"??...what do you mean? He said, "You and your son." Yes, I almost fainted. For a single mother, this was great, but also very frightening. I had been alone since I was 3 months pregnant, I wasn't sure I wanted something to enter our lives that could just as easily walk right back out. But, I went for it.

Long story short, a year after that second date, we moved in together. It was beautiful. I had a man that loved me, we had animals galore on the most beautiful 62 acres I had ever seen. My son breathed in the fresh, clean air that whipped through the valley. He explored and drove his little John Deere Tractor all over the place.

Humans and their darn capacity to screw stuff up! That's exactly what we did, we screwed up. Neither one of us knows when or how, but we both know it was surely a team effort. We're working it out, dating exclusively with plans in the future to move back in together. But, I still wiggle my fingers, expecting that symbol of his love for me to be there, the ring he picked himself, the ring that was exactly what I would've picked had I been there.

I still lay there at night, my head swimming with love and desire for him, hoping that the awful ugliness of resentment stays at bay. I know this is what is best, and truth be told, I'm happy with where we are right now. That doesn't stop me from grieving the past. That doesn't stop me from wondering "Am I doing the right thing?". That doesn't stop my son from asking, "Can we see him soon?". It doesn't stop me from feeling like I let my son down, that I welcomed tragedy into his life.

I love this man, but it took leaving to understand our relationship better. It took leaving to understand myself. In my heart, I know that he is the man that I will forever be tangled up in. The only man that after 4 years can still make me want more with just one touch. I know it wouldn't change in 20 years, this man's hold on me, or vice versa. I'm learning the ultimate life lesson here. If it's meant to be, it will be. So, I'm living my life, pursuing my dreams and glad that even if I don't have a warm body in bed next to me at night, I have a best friend whom I know will always be there, if not in the flesh, over the phone.

Thank you for listening to me ramble, sorry about the length of this post!!! I might try and get some sleep. Beautiful Dreams to you!

Flu Bug...uh oh...

Yesterday I was completely bummed when I had to ditch on the celebration over at Lavender Isis. I was having a blast in the chat, winning some prizes, then all of a sudden I hear crying and my son calling for me from the other room. He had puked all over the place. Curdled milk and digested Lucky Charms, it was a perfect way to start the day. He had felt fine earlier in the morning at his Tae Kwon Do Tournament, so it kinda blind-sided us a bit. The worst is now I'm not feeling too hot.....

Throat hurts, nose is running and I've had a killer headache ALL day. My body aches, you know that feeling you get, where your skin hurts?? Well, it hurts just to have my clothes rubbing on my skin right now. This is a big huge bummer. I was going to start on another manuscript today and I just can't do it. I hate these nasty little bugs that just creep in from nowhere. I think I might write something about little flubugs who attack a city and have all the citizens cowering in fear....lol.

Template...ggrrrrrr...

I can not for the life of me figure out how to change this stinkin' template. I fear it might be because I'm using this new blogger instead of the old one...so, hang in there with me folks, right now we're a peach color, we might be orange in a few minutes....hehehehehe.

Goodbye Buck

A friend's dog passed away this morning. He was my little "shitkicker", lol. I called him that because he loved to run around and tease the horses, kicking up horse poop as he sped by. He is the little black and white one next to my massive dog. This picture shows them resting after their favorite activity, rolling around in the mud in the muddy pasture. They were such good friends. We're all going to miss him. Goodbye, my little shitkicker, I'll miss you.

Edits to my first person and five chapters later....

I've been on a roll with that first person novel. I haven't had any writer's block when it comes to this one. So glad about that too. I have edited the part that I shared here so much that it doesn't look like the same chapter, heehehehehe. And I'm so far with it that I can't believe my own eyes, of course, I'm still just pouring it out so I'll be in review and edit mode again here soon. But, I'll save that for when the muse lets me stop and catch my breath!

I wish I could share it here, but I don't want to spoil it! A little bit farther and I think I might actually take a huge chance and submit it to Samhain Publishing.

Pray, people.....I need all the faith I can get!

Writing in first person??!!

I started yet another book last night and something about it makes me want to write it in first person. I've heard some people love books in first person while others hate it. For this book, though, I feel as if it needs to be in first person for the full effect and for it to accomplish what I want it to.

I can always write it and transform it later if I change my mind, which would be alot of work, but could be done nonetheless. I'm nervous that first person doesn't get the best reviews from readers. What do you think? Do you like first person novels? Do they work well in fantasy settings? Anything about any first person novels you've read that you would change? Let me know, I would love to hear your feedback!

Ghost Rider = Four Stars!

Saw it tonight with my son! It was awesome! Although, I do have to say that I wouldn't recommend it for young children. Initially I had spoke to some family friends who had seen it and taken their young children and they assured me that not only was it a great movie but that it was suitable for a five year old.

Wrong....in my opinion. The villain is pretty darn scary and a few times I almost wanted to look away and that's saying something, lol. All in all it was a great movie but I regret bringing my son. He absolutely loved it and is sleeping like a baby as we speak so it couldn't have frightened him too much! Just a nervous mom, I guess.

Seriously folks, if you like superhero or fantasy movies, you have got to see this one! It's up there with my top ten now!

Writer's Block....

Gotta love it. Or hate it. Or curse at it and scream at the top of your lungs while pulling out every strand of your hair. I'm completely over-hauling Whisper Moon. There are different venues I want to take with it now that I've researched a bit more into what specific genres I want to get involved with.

It's really hard for me, though. My mood switches from day to day, sometimes hour to hour. One day I want to write a steamy erotica and the other I want to write a more tame fantasy romance. I get 5 chapters into it, then for whatever reason I have to stop (son needing me, errands) and when I come back to it I've completely lost my focus and whatever motivated me to start it in the first place.

So I have about 10 novels just waiting for me to put them out of their misery, to drop the proverbial hammer and give them their end. I can imagine some of my characters are a tad disturbed, suspended in mid-air.

I think I might back off a little, try to find some inspiration and pray that I can hang on to it long enough for it to be seared into my brain. Going to see GhostRider tonight with my son might just do the trick.

Romance Writer's of America

I think I might join Romance Writers of America. Almost every published author I've come across joined this organization before they became published and say that it was a giant step towards their success.

One of my favorite authors, Nora Roberts is a member along with numerous others I've come to admire in the e-publishing world. I think I might go ahead and fax that application right over.....start getting serious! The only problem is I almost feel as if I'm not worthy. But, I'm gonna put my negative thoughts aside and do it. After all, who's gonna believe in me if I don't?

Second Rejection......

on my children's books......Yikes! Today is the day for it, I guess. I'm not upset or even disappointed, really. Probably because I told myself in the beginning that the more the rejections come at first, the faster I will get to where I want to be. Isn't that how it goes? Tons of rejection later there is an agent/publisher who wants it? I don't know, but I'm not gonna let it stop me. I will charge full steam ahead! Yippee!

Email or Snail Mail Queries?

Which is better? Being fairly new at the "finding an agent", "get published" world, I've discovered a whole bucket full of things that are quite amazing. For instance, I never really thought that agents or publishers would accept queries by email. The fact that they do accept email queries makes life easier for us writers and the forests (cutting down on paper). Is it easier for the agent/publisher?

It's great that there is so much diversity out there. I've found agents who will accept nothing but a snail mail query with SASE included and agents who will accept nothing but an email query. Most give detailed descriptions of what the query should look like also, even posting an example query to make it simpler for us newbie submitters. I find that awesome. Because for me that was a ray of hope. Maybe not so much for my work being considered but rather safety from looking like a complete uneducated fool to the agent I was submitting to.

I'll admit, I'm fresh off the stack, as new as they come. I can say I've written my entire life, but without credentials or a degree backing me up, does that matter? So, thank you to all those agents who are kind enough to spell out exactly what they are looking for!

I've always been in love with the written and spoken word, but this is really the time when I've decided to go for it. I've always been fearful my writing wasn't adequate. But, that is how we get better, by being rejected, critiqued. All I have to say is........let the rejection begin!